Hello! This is Goencha! Have you ever wondered about the proper etiquette for funeral condolence money and how to hand it over? Because condolence money is an important way to convey your feelings toward the deceased, you want to be careful not to be rude when preparing it. I'd like to answer all your questions about funeral condolence money, from how to choose a condolence envelope, the orientation of the bills, the correct way to write on the inner and outer envelopes, etiquette, and frequently asked questions. Let's go through the details together and cherish the feelings of remembering the deceased.
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Eliminate worries about funeral donations and money
Things to be worried about when preparing a condolence gift
When attending the funeral of a loved one, many people feel unsure or anxious about preparing a condolence gift to convey their final feelings to the deceased. From choosing the right envelope to how to put the money in and how to hand it over, it's natural to worry about whether you're doing it right or whether it's rude if you've never done it before.
For example, there are small details such as the orientation and number of bills to put in the condolence money, whether to use new or old bills, etc. Also, there are things you may not normally encounter, such as the correct way to write the name and address on the condolence envelope, and how to fill out the inner envelope, which can be confusing.
Resolve your questions about funerals
We will carefully answer all your questions and concerns about funeral condolence money! From preparing the money to how to give it, we will explain the entire process in an easy-to-understand manner, helping you to feel at ease and prepared for any eventuality.
By learning the proper etiquette for condolence money, you can convey your gratitude to the deceased and be a supportive friend to the bereaved family. Let's review this together so you can reduce your worries and send off the deceased with peace of mind.
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Choosing the right condolence envelope for a funeral
The condolence money you bring to a funeral is an important way to express your final feelings for the deceased and your condolences to the bereaved family. The first step in conveying your feelings is to start by choosing an appropriate condolence envelope. There are several etiquette points to consider when choosing a condolence envelope.
Types of condolence envelopes and how to choose the right Mizuhiki
Condolence envelopes, also known as "fushugibukuro," are used for funerals. The color of the mizuhiki, the way it is tied, and the design of the envelope each have their own meaning, so it is important to choose the right one to show consideration for the deceased and their family.
Mizuhiki is a decorative string tied in the center of the bag. At funerals, Mizuhiki with a "Musubikiri" or "Awaji Musubi" style is chosen to symbolize that the same thing will never happen again. Mizuhiki comes in the following main colors:
| Mizuhiki colors | use | remarks |
|---|---|---|
| Black and White | General funerals | Most widely used. |
| Double Silver | In the case of a large gift | It is often chosen for condolence gifts of 50,000 yen or more. |
| Yellow and white | Parts of the Kansai region and Shinto | It is used by region and religion. |
Additionally, some condolence envelopes have lotus flower designs, but these are only for Buddhist ceremonies. They should not be used for Shinto or Christian ceremonies. If the amount is small, a simple envelope with mizuhiki printed on it is fine, but if the amount being wrapped is over 30,000 yen, it is better to choose a slightly higher-quality condolence envelope tied with real mizuhiki.
How to choose a religious inscription
The appropriate inscription for a condolence envelope varies depending on the religion. If you know the religion of the deceased, choose an inscription that matches that. If you are not sure of the religion, it is common to choose "Goreizen" (present in front of the spirit). However, in the Jodo Shinshu sect, the belief is that the deceased becomes a Buddha immediately upon death, so "Gobutsuzen" (present in front of the Buddha) is used instead of "Goreizen." If you are unsure, one option is to ask at the reception desk of the funeral hall.
| religion | General address | remarks |
|---|---|---|
| Buddhist | Offerings to the deceased (Goreizen), offerings to the Buddha (Gobutsuzen), and condolence money (Gokouden) | In the Jodo Shinshu sect, "Gobutsuzen" is used. "Goryozen" is used until the 49th day memorial service. |
| Shinto | Offerings of sacred offerings (Otamagushiryo) , offerings of sakaki branches (Osakakiryo), offerings before the altar (Goshinzen) | Choose a plain bag without a lotus design. |
| Christian ceremony | Flowers (Ohanari-ryo), Mass fees (Omisaryo), Flower offering fees (Kenkari-ryo) | The most common type of gift is "Mass Fee" for Catholics, and "Flower Fee" for Protestants. There are also bags with designs of crosses and lilies. |
| If you are unsure of your religion | Condolence money in front of the deceased's soul | This inscription is suitable for any religion. |
Prepare the condolence money correctly
Condolence money is an important way to convey your final thoughts to the deceased. Even small details such as the orientation and number of bills placed in the condolence envelope, and whether they are new or old, contain deep meaning and thoughtfulness. Here, we will explain the etiquette for preparing condolence money.
The basic rule for putting a note in a condolence gift is to put it face down.
When placing bills in a condolence envelope, the back side of the bill, without the portrait on it, should be placed towards the front of the envelope. Furthermore, it is basic etiquette to place the bills with the portraits facing downwards. This is done to show that the face is down, expressing grief.
When putting multiple bills inside, make sure they are all facing the same direction. If there is an inner bag, the portraits should be on the back and face down when viewed from the front of the inner bag. If there is no inner bag, it is fine to put the bills directly into the outer bag, but be sure to pay attention to the direction of the bills as well.
The etiquette for putting an odd number of bills in a condolence gift
It is generally considered good manners to include an odd number of bills in a condolence gift. Even numbers are generally avoided because they are divisible and suggest severing ties with the deceased. Also, numbers that suggest "4 (death)" or "9 (suffering)" are thought to represent repeated misfortune and should be avoided.
We have compiled examples of the number of bills you should avoid putting in a condolence gift and the reasons why.
| Number of bills to avoid | Reasons to avoid |
|---|---|
| 2 sheets | It is a number that can be divided evenly, and is associated with cutting ties with the deceased. |
| 4 sheets | To evoke the image of death |
| 6 sheets | It is a number that can be divided evenly, and is associated with cutting ties with the deceased. |
| 9 sheets | To evoke the feeling of "bitterness" |
New bills are not allowed. Why old bills are used for funeral offerings?
It is considered good manners to use slightly used old bills (used banknotes) for funeral condolence money, rather than new bills. New bills should be avoided, as they may be perceived as "prepared in advance in anticipation of misfortune." It is thoughtful to choose old bills to show that you have prepared in a hurry after receiving the sudden news of the death.
If you only have new bills on hand, fold them once before placing them in the condolence envelope. This will convey that you prepared the bills in a hurry, even though they are new.
Fill out the necessary information in the inner envelope and put the money in.
Condolence envelopes consist of an outer envelope into which you put the money directly, and an inner envelope into which you put the money. The inner envelope carefully encloses your feelings for the deceased and plays an important role in making the process of registering the money at the reception desk smooth. Here, we will explain how to write the amount, address, and name on the inner envelope, as well as how to put the money inside.
How to write the price on the surface of the inner envelope
On the front of the inner envelope, write the exact amount of the condolence money. When writing, it is common etiquette to use the Chinese numeral "daiji" (large character). Write the amount beginning with "kin" (gold) and ending with "yen" (yen).
The main amounts and their corresponding towns are as follows:
| Amount (numerical value) | Amount (large) |
|---|---|
| 3,000 yen | Golden Ginseng Thousand Yuan |
| 5,000 yen | 5,000 Yuan |
| 10,000 yen | Gold 10,000 Yuan |
| 30,000 yen | Golden Ginseng Ten Thousand Yuan |
| 50,000 yen | 50,000 yuan |
| 100,000 yen | 100,000 yen |
Points to note when writing your address and name on the back of the inner envelope
On the back of the inner envelope, write your postal code, address, and name. This is important information that the bereaved family will need when sending the condolence money. Generally, this information is written vertically in the lower left corner of the back.
When multiple people give condolence money, it is common to write the name and address of the representative and add "and everyone else" to the left of it. However, if the amount is large or if the people are close, it is also possible to write the names of all the people in a joint name.
How to pack
Once you have placed the money in the inner envelope, seal it. Generally, the inner envelope is not glued and is simply placed in the outer envelope. However, it is fine to lightly glue it to prevent the contents from spilling out. In this case, it is common not to write any seal characters (such as "〆" or "封").
Funeral condolence money: Write your name on the outer envelope
The name of the deceased should be carefully written on the outer envelope of the condolence envelope, as a sign of respect for the deceased and consideration for the bereaved family. Here, we will explain everything from how to choose light ink to how to write the name of a couple or jointly.
Correct way to write your name in light ink
It is considered good manners to write the name on a condolence gift in light ink. This is an old Japanese custom that expresses the ink having faded due to tears of grief. A brush pen for light ink is a convenient and easy-to-use writing implement. The full name should be written in the center below the mizuhiki. Write in easy-to-read block script with sincerity.
Example of how to write the names of a condolence gift for a married couple or joint names
When giving condolence money as a couple or with multiple people, there are etiquette rules for writing names. Be sure to know the correct way to write names depending on the situation.
When giving a condolence gift as a married couple
When a married couple gives a condolence gift, the husband's name is generally written in the center, and the wife's name is written to the left of it. If the wife gives a condolence gift individually, she should write her full name.
When sending a condolence gift jointly (up to 3 people)
If you are sending condolence money to multiple people, such as friends or coworkers, you should write their names together. Generally, you should write the names of those who are most senior to you, from right to left. If everyone is of equal status, it is best to write them in alphabetical order.
When sending a condolence gift jointly (four or more people)
When sending condolence money in the names of four or more people, it may not be possible to fit everyone's names on the condolence envelope. In that case, write the representative's name in the center and write "and everyone else" or "and everyone else" in the lower left corner. Then, write everyone's names, addresses, and amounts on a separate piece of paper, put it in an inner envelope, and enclose it in the condolence envelope. Even when sending as a company or organization, it is common to write the representative's name and "all of XX."
Frequently asked questions and points to note about funeral donations
There are many other aspects of funeral condolence money that can be confusing, including how to give it and the amount. Here we will introduce some common questions and some important points to keep in mind.
What to do if you are told to decline a condolence gift
If the bereaved family informs you that they will not be offering condolence money, it is basic etiquette to respect their wishes and not bring any. Most people decline to offer condolence money out of a desire to reduce the burden on the deceased and their family, so trying to force it may actually cause trouble.
In most cases, you will be informed with phrases such as "We decline any donations" or "We would like to decline condolence money, offerings, or flowers." In this case, you should also refrain from giving condolence money.
If you really want to convey your feelings, consider visiting the funeral home again once the funeral has settled down and offering a gift (something that will last a long time or something the deceased liked). However, if the bereaved family declines this, do not force them to do so, and cherish their feelings of remembrance for the deceased in their hearts.
What is the average amount of a condolence gift?
The amount of condolence money varies depending on your relationship with the deceased. It is important to decide based on the region, your own age, the family situation of the deceased, etc. Use the general market price as a guide and give within your means.
When giving condolence money, it is considered good manners to avoid even numbers or numbers that are associated with "4 (death)" or "9 (suffering)." For example, it is common to give odd numbers, such as 3,000 yen instead of 2,000 yen, or 5,000 yen instead of 4,000 yen.
| Relationship to the deceased | Average amount of condolence money |
|---|---|
| parents | 50,000 to 100,000 yen |
| Brothers and sisters | 30,000 to 50,000 yen |
| grandparents | 10,000 to 30,000 yen |
| Relatives (aunts, uncles, etc.) | 10,000 to 30,000 yen |
| Friends and acquaintances | 5,000 to 10,000 yen |
| Company personnel (bosses, colleagues, subordinates) | 5,000 to 10,000 yen |
| Neighbors | 3,000 to 5,000 yen |
The above amounts are just a guideline. If you are young, it is fine to pay less than the market rate. Also, if there are company or local customs, it is important to follow them.
Condolence money when attending both the wake and funeral
Even if you attend both the wake and the funeral, it is considered good manners to only give a condolence gift once. It is best to avoid giving a condolence gift twice, as it is reminiscent of "multiple misfortunes."
Usually, the condolence money is given at the first wake you attend. If you give the condolence money at the wake, you do not need to bring a condolence envelope to the funeral. It is sufficient to simply sign the condolence book at the reception and offer your condolences.
If you are unable to attend the wake and will be attending the funeral, there is no problem as long as you give a condolence gift at the funeral. The important thing is to remember the deceased and convey your feelings to the bereaved family.
summary
At funerals, where we remember loved ones, condolence money conveys gratitude to the deceased and thoughtfulness toward the bereaved family. From choosing the condolence envelope to preparing the bills and filling out the inner and outer envelopes, it is important to show consideration for the deceased and the bereaved family in each situation. Behind each etiquette lies a heartfelt consideration for the other person. Also, if you are asked not to accept condolence money, the most considerate thing to do is to respect the wishes of the bereaved family and not force them to give you one. In the event of an emergency, responding with sincerity will ensure you behave appropriately at an occasion where you are sending off a loved one. If you have any concerns or doubts, please refer to this information.
